Talking to Americans

Canadians are too hard on Americans most of the time. It’s not their fault their media and education system gaze inward to the near exclusion of any other culture. In that context it’s fathomable that Canada might use a 20-hour metric clock or that VCRs were illegal here until 2000. Plus, they tend not to sit around watching Canadian television the way most of us sit around watching American television, so obviously they won’t come to know much about their reticent wallflower neighbour to the north.

However. Never, ever, ever let an American tell you how to make poutine, or these are the sort of instructions you’ll get. Things involving squishy mozzarella…

You MUST buy the soft mozzarella that comes in a square block and is squishy when you squeeze it. White cheddar cheese curd is the usual poutine cheese but is expensive and difficult to find. There is almost NO taste difference when substituting soft mozzarella.

…and a microwave.

Heat in the microwave for 30 seconds. Even though the fries and gravy are already hot, they aren’t going to be hot enough to quicky melt the cheese to the proper consistency for poutine. You must give it a quick microwaving.



One Response to “Talking to Americans”

  1. d-bomb Says:

    This is disgusting. I mean… I’m lazy, but jesus. Not that lazy.

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